"God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind." (Numbers 23:19, ESV)

I had done it. I had officially made up my mind: I was going to stay in Edmonton for the remainder of 2016. No one could convince me otherwise, not even myself - as much as I wanted to.

When I came back to Canada, I didn't want to leave Uganda. It wasn't that I didn't miss my family, my friends, or even some food and drinks (like licorice, 1% Canadian milk, and fresh OJ). It was just that I had made Uganda my home, just as I have made Canada my home once again since coming back. But because I didn't want to come back, I determined myself to return to Uganda the moment I walked across that stage and received my degree.

Mid-January, I started getting this 'feeling' that God wanted me to give up my desire to go back to Uganda so soon - the same kind of 'feeling' that I had when God wanted me to give up my dream of becoming a roller coaster designer. After seeing the amazing fruit that came out of giving up my desire the first time, I submitted my will to Him. Though obviously on a completely different caliber, I prayed a similar prayer as Jesus, asking God to let there be another way so that I could go back to Uganda ASAP, but that I wanted to please Him and obey Him.

No matter what I wanted.

At first, it was difficult to accept, but I soon traded that desire for something else - something I truly believed was the reason that God wanted me to stay in Edmonton for the time being. I was going to become my church's global missions/local ministry awareness promoter and global worker contact liaison. (Sounds pretty nifty, right?) After realizing how little my church (myself included) knew about the global workers and local ministries we currently support and participate in, I wanted to make a change for the better. After discussing ideas with my pastor, it was settled. All that was left to do was to #justdoit #Nike

The reason why I thought - no, knew - this was what God wanted me to do was because someone in my church, with whom I had no prior relationship, asked to have coffee with me. Seeming like a legit person (with a New Zealand accent, who doesn't?), I accepted his invitation. During our conversation, I naturally brought up my desire to bring missions awareness in my church and to be that contact person between the global workers we support and our church. After discussing this, he stopped me and proceeded to tell me that what I had just said was the whole reason he wanted to have coffee with me. Apparently one Sunday during a church service, he saw me, and God told him to talk to me about this exact issue. If that wasn't confirmation, then I don't know what would be. Besides, I was a broke college student, who was barely going to make it past his first month's rent after graduating. How could I go back to Uganda so soon?

It was in that moment that I had done it. I had officially made up my mind: I was going to stay in Edmonton for the remainder of 2016. No one could convince me otherwise, not even myself - as much as I wanted to.

And yet, I did change my mind. Or was it God? Did God change His mind? Can God change His mind?

Just over a week ago, an opportunity was presented to me to lead the Awaken Missions short-term missions (STM) team to Uganda in July. I was very hesitant. Hadn't God just made it very clear to me that I was to stay in Edmonton? And need I remind myself that I was pretty much broke? Yet, with 4/5th's of my costs being covered as the team leader, money wouldn't need to be that much of a worry. (P.S. If anyone feels so inclined to donate towards my trip, click here! All proceeds will first go towards getting me to Uganda, and all additional funds will go towards the rest of the team and the activities/projects while we're in Uganda. You can also get a tax receipt!) Additionally, I could theoretically still do everything with my church here in Edmonton pertaining to missions awareness; I would simply need to partner with someone (which I have) who could be the spokesperson on Sundays for announcements and updates on our global workers and local ministries.

To sweeten the deal, I would be allowed to return to Uganda earlier and leave later than the team. This would allow me to continue doing exactly what I was doing with the Stoplight Approach, while I was there in 2015! With free flights, an opportunity to lead an STM team in a country I love, and an opportunity to return to the work that I so love, how could I pass up this opportunity?

Maybe it was a test from God to see if I would be faithful to staying in Edmonton, but I would only be away for 2 months at most; I am still staying in Edmonton and not giving up my desire to bring more missions awareness to my church whatsoever. But then why would God want me to give up my desire to return to Uganda so soon, only to present me with an opportunity to do exactly just that?

Did God change His mind?

"In Malachi 3:6 God says, 'I Yahweh do not change; therefore you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed.' Within the name Yahweh is the affirmation I AM WHO I AM. But if who God is is not determined by any forces outside himself, then he is not subject to the changes we are. People change their mind because of unforeseen circumstances or weak resolution. God foresees all circumstances and has no weaknesses. Nothing in all creation takes him off guard and backs him into a corner where he might have to act out of character or compromise his integrity." (John Piper)

God knew this opportunity was coming from the beginning of time. He also knew that had I decided to attempt to go back to Uganda on my own terms, without any money, and having exhausted most of my fundraising outputs from last year, He knew I would have failed miserably. He knew I would have missed this opportunity to lead this STM team, and with it an opportunity to work on the field for Stoplight.

I know I said I was resolute. I know I said I would not be convinced to go back to Uganda so soon. But I am believing that God has made this opportunity possible for me, not because He changed His mind after seeing that I submitted my will to His will; but because He always saw this opportunity coming my way, and because it is still possible for me to fulfill my assignment at my home church and go back to Uganda for a short period of time.

God didn't change His mind; I did.

Nov 19, 2016

Sufficiently Independent

As such, the more we become aware of our insufficiencies and our dependency upon God, the more we will incline ourselves to pray unceasingly.

Sep 17, 2016

An Increased Awareness

An increased awareness of God's presence always produces an increased awareness of our sin. There is no way around it. One simply cannot look upon the true Jesus Christ and not be confounded by both the awesome holiness of God's glory and grace, and the awful sinfulness of our own hearts and minds.

Sep 10, 2016

Can I Have a Re-Do?

I apologize for not being clear. The only person I have to blame is myself.

It’s not because everyone is dumb. It’s not because Stoplight is too complex. It’s because up until now, I’ve been answering the wrong question.

Jun 17, 2016

Every. Last. One.

There, of course, are quite a number that fall on any point along this spectrum, but very few that seem to be balanced in the middle. Perhaps this is because of our human nature to dichotomize issues until we’re black and blue in the face.

May 17, 2016

Did God Change His Mind?

Jan 17, 2016

Even When I Don't Feel Like It

I started realizing that I didn't want to be here.

After having lived in the 'real world' for over half a year, and then coming back to theoretical books and work in classrooms, it felt as if there was no point. Why am I sitting in class when I could still be 'out there' doing 'better things with my life'? These are thoughts coming from a kid who loves school, and loves learning in a classroom setting.

Dec 29, 2015

Back in the Motherland (aka Canada)

As part of my re-entry assignment, I was asked to answer bunch of questions in my journal. As I answered these questions, I realized that there's no better way to help others understand where I am coming from, what I've experienced, and what I am thinking and feeling, than to share those responses.

Nov 23, 2015

DNA Transfusion

But is it true mentorship when you have to put the label of mentorship on it? I have always been discontented with the North American view of mentorship. It feels too mechanical, too impersonal. Is mentorship relegated to weekly/monthly checklist checkup meetings where only specific topics are discussed (particularly the taboo topics)? Is this the type of mentorship the Bible records? Or is mentorship something much greater?

Oct 25, 2015

Titles & Boxes

Though there were three new men, not one of them asked me this question. It did, however, come out through various conversations happening at the table that I was a Bible college student studying abroad and that I was planning on graduating in April. Boom. There was my title. No need to inquire any further. No need to ask the third important question.

Oct 12, 2015

Neither Here, Nor There

This wisdom may come from other people. It may come from using logic and my own thoughts. And it most certainly comes from understanding God's Word. But it just didn't seem spiritual enough. It didn't seem like the 'almost-graduated-Bible-college-student' way of making decisions. Balancing out pro's and con's, weighing out future regrets... This was not how I envisioned making this decision. It seemed too ordinary.