* Thoughts from this blog (particularly the section starred with an asterisk) stem from the book, Alone with God, by John Piper.

When people hear the word missionary, it’s easy to think of the typical saint dressed like Maria from the Sound of Music, who prays and reads their Bible every day, and works with children in a monastery or an orphanage. As much as it’s true that I work with children quite a large portion of the time (not in an orphanage or in a monastery), that’s about all I relate to the quintessential image of a missionary. In fact, I’ll be honest — for the past couple months, I’ve probably opened my Bible once a week, and prayed on my own for about 5 minutes each of those times. At church. Not even on my own.

I’m a terrible representation of a follower of Christ.

That’s not to say that Christians who pray and read their Bible every day are perfect examples of Christ. In fact, there are plenty of people who do these things and are far from anything Christ wants them to be, performing these tasks as mere duty rather than out of a passion to develop a personal relationship with God. (And there are definitely times when true followers of Christ feel that these are duties, but desire that they turn into passions, so they continue doing them. If that’s you, I’m not trying to judge or condemn you!) What I am saying is that I know I should desire to read my Bible and learn more about the character of my loving Father, of His merciful Son, and of His gracious Spirit; I should desire to pray at all times — that being a lifestyle, rather than a literal 24 hour consumption of my day (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) — and bring my own and other’s needs before Him, to thank Him, and to listen for His guidance and wisdom.

But I don’t.

I can give a thousand reasons as to why I don’t:

I’m busy
There’s more “important" things to do
I live within a community that constantly talks about God and prays together

However, when it comes down to it, I believe there is a deep-rooted issue to which I’ve been blinded: I believe I am sufficient and independent enough to complete the tasks set before me — and when I’m not, I simply ask for help from others around me. Over the past 2 years, I’ve developed a passion to work within teams, knowing that we can depend on each other to complete our own tasks and work together to develop better ideas than we could on our own. I believe this is how Jesus and the early church modelled ministry, too: every person has gifts, talents, and skills to offer the Church and world, and we serve to our best capacities in that. Without each other, the Body of Christ wouldn’t be able to function or grow. That being said, as much as I love working within teams, I somehow still cling to this idea that I am somehow sufficient and dependent enough to neglect to ask for help from the only one who is sufficiently independent:

My Holy God.

Within myself, I am at conflict with a cognizant belief, knowing that I can do nothing within my own strength, for God is the one who holds all things together, and by Him all things were created through Him and for Him (Colossians 1:15-20); and a disguised issue within my core that acts completely against this.

The former, I say I believe. The latter, I live out.

As humans, we all have the tendency to think we are sufficient. We pride in our independence day in and day out. “I can do it on my own.” “I can work to pay my bills.” “I can win this competition by myself.” Of course, these statements in and of themselves might be 100% true; however, the belief behind them are only one of two:

You complete these tasks on your own strength (or the strength of other human beings), thinking you are sufficient and independent enough. (And you might do very well completely on your own!)
You complete these tasks relying on God’s strength, knowing you are completely insufficient and wholly dependent on God’s strength and provision to complete them. (And you still might make mistakes along the way because you’re human!)

The fact remains that God — regardless of your belief — still carries us through every single detail of our lives, but because He is a jealous God, He wants us to know this and worship Him: the ever-loving, ever-gracious God.

As such, the more we become aware of our insufficiencies and our dependency upon God, the more we will incline ourselves to pray unceasingly. This doesn’t just mean praying 5, or 10, or 20 minutes every day. This is a lifestyle that is characterized by a life devoted to prayer, someone who with resolution persistently brings every need — and the needs of others — before our Heavenly Father. *

The level of persistence in your prayers reveals at least 2 things:

How much patience you have. Simply because God doesn’t answer your prayer after 20 years doesn’t mean you stop praying. Luke 11:5-10 and 18:1-8 attest to the fact that Jesus desires us to continually seek, ask, and knock — to be persistent in our prayers, and patient with God’s perfect timing.
How much you realize your insufficiency and dependency. The moment you give up praying about something, you will be more tempted to go about answering it on your own, without depending on God to answer it. (This is not to say that we should give up doing anything and only pray. If that were the case, then Jesus would have only prayed during his life on earth, 24/7 ignoring others and never once teaching, rebuking, or healing people. We are to still act mercifully and righteously whenever necessary.) However, the moment we dismiss praying about something becomes the moment we believe we are more dependent than we truly are, more sufficient in our own right. The self starts to become the focal point, rather than God.

It’s scary to me how easy it is for me to go about my day and complete tasks, meet with people, train at seminars, eat meals, and go to sleep, while hardly giving any attention to God — especially when I’m by myself. This is completely opposite of what should characterize a follower of Jesus. And I’m not saying that wherever I go, I should be praying out loud for all to hear. (That’s one of the things for which Jesus rebuked the Pharisees.) I’m talking about going about my day, quietly giving praise, thanks, and my prayers before a God who always listens to His children. My prayer is that I would realize more and more my insufficiency and my need for total dependence upon God, which would directly impact and increase how “unceasingly” and persistently I pray and spend personal time with my Lord and Saviour.

Knocking at His door, awaiting His answers.

Nov 19, 2016

Sufficiently Independent

As such, the more we become aware of our insufficiencies and our dependency upon God, the more we will incline ourselves to pray unceasingly.

Sep 17, 2016

An Increased Awareness

An increased awareness of God's presence always produces an increased awareness of our sin. There is no way around it. One simply cannot look upon the true Jesus Christ and not be confounded by both the awesome holiness of God's glory and grace, and the awful sinfulness of our own hearts and minds.

Sep 10, 2016

Can I Have a Re-Do?

I apologize for not being clear. The only person I have to blame is myself.

It’s not because everyone is dumb. It’s not because Stoplight is too complex. It’s because up until now, I’ve been answering the wrong question.

Jun 17, 2016

Every. Last. One.

There, of course, are quite a number that fall on any point along this spectrum, but very few that seem to be balanced in the middle. Perhaps this is because of our human nature to dichotomize issues until we’re black and blue in the face.

May 17, 2016

Did God Change His Mind?

It was in that moment that I had done it. I had officially made up my mind: I was going to stay in Edmonton for the remainder of 2016. No one could convince me otherwise, not even myself - as much as I wanted to.

And yet, I did change my mind. Or was it God? Did God change His mind? Can God change His mind?

Jan 17, 2016

Even When I Don't Feel Like It

I started realizing that I didn't want to be here.

After having lived in the 'real world' for over half a year, and then coming back to theoretical books and work in classrooms, it felt as if there was no point. Why am I sitting in class when I could still be 'out there' doing 'better things with my life'? These are thoughts coming from a kid who loves school, and loves learning in a classroom setting.

Dec 29, 2015

Back in the Motherland (aka Canada)

As part of my re-entry assignment, I was asked to answer bunch of questions in my journal. As I answered these questions, I realized that there's no better way to help others understand where I am coming from, what I've experienced, and what I am thinking and feeling, than to share those responses.

Nov 23, 2015

DNA Transfusion

But is it true mentorship when you have to put the label of mentorship on it? I have always been discontented with the North American view of mentorship. It feels too mechanical, too impersonal. Is mentorship relegated to weekly/monthly checklist checkup meetings where only specific topics are discussed (particularly the taboo topics)? Is this the type of mentorship the Bible records? Or is mentorship something much greater?

Oct 25, 2015

Titles & Boxes

Though there were three new men, not one of them asked me this question. It did, however, come out through various conversations happening at the table that I was a Bible college student studying abroad and that I was planning on graduating in April. Boom. There was my title. No need to inquire any further. No need to ask the third important question.

Oct 12, 2015

Neither Here, Nor There

This wisdom may come from other people. It may come from using logic and my own thoughts. And it most certainly comes from understanding God's Word. But it just didn't seem spiritual enough. It didn't seem like the 'almost-graduated-Bible-college-student' way of making decisions. Balancing out pro's and con's, weighing out future regrets... This was not how I envisioned making this decision. It seemed too ordinary.